One thing, among some many others would say my wonderful Swedish boyfriend, about my life in Sweden I would never get used to is the lack of light in winter.
One could think that born and raised in the far north east of France I would be used to it, but nope.
My home town can be very cold in winter but it is usually a dry cold with blue sky and light. And even if there is, of course, some grey days or even grey and humid winters, being more south of Europe means one can still see daylight until 5 in the afternoon.
These few hours more of daylight are missing, cruelly missing.
So I have adopted some of the local traditions : the vitamin D cure, the lights and candles inside and outside the house, the fika, the sunflower position at the window, in the street, at the café - well to be honest, pretty much everywhere - every time a ray of sun is finally showing up. If my boyfriend was not also dad of some teenager and reluctant to travel, I would be certainly now on a beach somewhere in Thailand or Indonesia. Another Swedish tradition : fly away from Sweden in winter to take ones big share of sun to survive until spring.
It is not working.
I am feeling as joyful and energetic as an hibernating groundhog and too much fika means I am taking weight. A lot of weight.
I should certainly adopt another Swedish tradition as soon as Christmas holidays are over : the back to gym to cultivate a summer body as well as elevate dopamine level. The subscription offers are all over my mailbox. Each time I am opening Instagram, some stories arise about Asian Pilates, weight loss app or any other pills to correct my damned cortisol level.
It is not working.
I am not enlisted in any gym nor in any "Pilates at home with no tools" app and of course do not take any miraculous complements to help my menopausal state.
I am waiting for this special trigger that will motivate me to do something. It is not coming and I have no motivation and that is all the fault of Swedish winter.
Of course, it is not. Not completely. The lack of light and sun still has an undeniable effect on the mood and energy but it is not the unique root of my procrastination or my lack of motivation for any social events, for reading, for writing, for running... I am currently drained, drained by my job, drained by some parts of my personal life and if I have not found yet the way out, I am working on it.
I am drinking coffee and baking. I am also back to doing puzzle and try to keep on reading. And I have sessions with a therapist. Well I had sessions with a therapist. Lately, I felt so drained that I could not even maintain this... it was too much to handle.
So I decided to push myself to write here again, with my laptop in front of the window like if I was Carrie Bradshaw. Except that my window is not in New York and that I do not have her closet.
Maybe should I say I am back to writing following Garance Doré in her Subtask The French Woman about love, style and life ?
Writing like I am back to the beginnings of blogging when one could open a blog and just write about everything and nothing without searching any fame or influence retribution but just the pleasure to share some thoughts, ideas, experience and eventually get a bonus to be read and seen.
And writing this just now, I am wondering if behind any blog or subtask account there is a frustrated writer that craves to be recognized and earn an easy living from their writing... meaning am i a frustrated writer craving for recognition while scrolling on influencers accounts on Instagram or reading numerous Subtask accounts wondering why I could not do the same ?
This answer is : it is all the fault of Swedish winter.
Voila.
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